i really need a break

hay andito ako ngayon sa isang computer shop malapit sa FEU. and it's so boring... lecheng araw to, nanakit ulo ko at dahil na rin sa exam sa computer na ngayon ko lang naaral... hay... isang exam pa ngayong araw at 3 bukas... tapos 2 exam sa tuesday, submissions ng paper at presentation sa rizal at econ... shemay kurdapya... i nid to have a high GWA dis sem para maimpress yung institution na pag-aaplyan ko ng scholarship... 4.5 hours pala ang break ko...shet..

sabi nga nila, ang problema, hindi mawawala.... for the last 2 years, samut sari na ang problema naming magpapamilya... ngayon, meron ulit... sana makayanan ko ulit... kasi ngayon, sobrang pagod na pagod na ako... gusto kong may makausap na kaibigan... yung talagang kaibigan (tunay at nahahawakan)... I've been communicating to GOD and hoping answers could be found... sana, masolusyunan namin ito...

PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO WITH ALL THE DEPRESSIONS AND THE PROBLEMS... I NEED A FU**IN' BREAK...

Tararun 5

Exaj ang nangyari kagabi! Punyeta talaga. Kala ko makakauwi na ako kagabi ng maaga dahil wala ang prof sa Rizal, at para makabasa na ako ng law. Ayun, hindi pala, hehehe....

Obvious naman na connected sa Tararun ang nangyari kagabi... Leche!!!! Ginagawa yung daan sa Bulacan. Taena talaga. Biro mo, 8:45 ako nakarating sa may Bankers Ville, tapos, andun lang kami for almost 2 hours? kamusta naman yun? so nagmarathon ako mula Malaria hanggang sa terminal ng tricycle... Kamusta, tararun ito!!!!! haha...

ayun, ito, ang aga ko sa morayta.6:30 palang andito nako! shemay... ang sakit ng ulo ko...

sana...

hindi ako mapangmata at hindi ako sanay na minamata. kasi masakit parehong masituate sa parehong sitwaston na yun.

ano ba talaga ang problema? minsan kasi nasa tao talaga. kung nakikita mong mas magaling ka, nakikita mo ang kabuktutan nila.kung mas marami naman ang mas magaling sa iyo, ikaw naman ang mapupunta sa side ng so-called "underdogs". ang maganda sa kuwentong ito ay pareho na akong napunta sa ganung mundo... at feeling ko, kaya ko namang mag-conclude.

sa hs kasi, pangit talaga ang sistema. hindi tulad sa science schools na alam nila ang math and science ng mabuti, sa exclusive at yung mga tipong montessori ay magagaling sa literature and arts, even sa social sciences, ang school ko, ay well, very low ang standards. however, masaya ako dahil dun ako nanggaling, sobrang ang saya ng hs life. tuwing nagmamath kami, gusto ko wag nang ibalik ang topics, kasi malulugi kami pagdating sa huli (though di dept.mental ang exam dahil 1 lang section namin), at dahil pagdating sa college, baka magulantang kami. and so did it happened. some of my classmates barely passed the simple college algebra from their respective schools, some failed, and I, with Rhodora, became disqualified sa honors... we dropped math 17, na "standardized" algeb and trigo... we were so shocked and worried the first time we saw the "real math". biro mo, hermo na, wala pa kaming tamang background sa math? comeon...

ayun nga. kaya sobra yung pagsisikap ko sa sembreak. buti natabi kong lahat ang math reviewers. nagsanay ako until 2nd sem, i got a shocking 1.75 sa math 17. then 2.5 sa calculus (dahil 7 am yun at bulacan pa ako, hindi ako sanay. haha. tsaka summer, ang bilis, at dahil wla din akong alam sa calculus noh?) ayun.

then naging baa na ako. ako nalang ang tumuloy sa 4 na nagbalak (norlyn, mae, ako at c rhoda). though c mae talaga ang may potential, pang-baa talaga ang dunong niya. imagine, summa standing pa din siya hanggang ngayon? at hindi umaalis sa 1-1.1 range ang gwa niya every sem!!! haha...

feeling ko, kaya sobrang nanibago ako nuon, dahil hindi kami sinanay na tumayong mag-isa nung hs. kahit pinipilit kong umalis sa ganung sistema, hindi pa din, dahil ang mga dapat gumabay sa amin, hindi nagampanan ng maayos ang responsibilidad nila.

ngayon, asa feu na ako. hindi ako naggegeneralize. siguro dahil free block ako at irreg ang mga kasama, mga old returning kumbaga. nakikita ko ang kalagayan ko sa kanila dati, yung tipong hindi makawala sa ganung sistema sa kanilang pagkatao. at sana mawaglit na sa kanila yun.

minsan tuloy, naiisip ko, nasa tao talaga e. kung nagtransfer na lang ako, nung elem pa, sana di ganito. nasa toot pa din ako at minamahal ang mga toot friends at JPIA. sana andun pa ako...

ngayon, alam niyo na... hindi sa binababa ko ang tingin ko sa sarili ko, pero yun talaga. at ngayon, parang lumelevel ako ulet... hahahahaha (go summa!!!!)

bye...

LSS

Kamusta naman? I thought na sunod lang sa uso ang gagawin ko dahil High School Musical nga... but no... kamusta??? Ang ganda pala ng Breaking Free na kanta... ito nga yung lyrics:

BREAKING FREE

(from the movie High School Musical)

Troy:

We’re soarin’, flyin’

There’s not a star in heaven

That we can’t reach

Gabriella:

If we’re trying

So we’re breaking free

Troy:

You know the world can see us

In a way that’s different than who we are

Gabriella:

Creating space between us

‘Til we’re separate hearts

Both:

But your faith it gives me strength

Strength to believe

Chorus #1

Troy:

We’re breakin’ free

Gabriella:

We’re soarin’

Troy: Flyin’

Both: There’s not a star in heaven

That we can’t reach

Troy: If we’re trying

Both: Yeah, we’re breaking free

Troy: Oh, we’re breakin’ free

Gabriella: Ohhhh

Troy: Can you feel it building

Like a wave the ocean just can’t control

Gabriella: Connected by a feeling

Ohhh, in our very souls

Both: Rising ‘til it lifts us up

So every one can see

Chorus #2

Troy: We’re breakin’ free

Gabriella: We’re soarin’

Troy: Flyin’

Both: There’s not a star in heaven

That we can’t reach

Troy: If we’re trying

Yeah we’re breaking free

Gabriella: Ohhhh runnin’

Troy: Climbin’

To get to that place

Both: To be all that we can be

Troy: Now’s the time

Both: So we’re breaking free

Troy: We’re breaking free

Gabriella: Ohhh , yeah

Troy: More than hope

More than faith

Gabriella: This is true

This is fate

And together

Both: We see it comin’

Troy: More than you

More than me

Gabriella: Not a want, but a need

Both: Both of us breakin’ free

Chorus #3

Gabriella: Soarin’

Troy: Flyin’

Both: There’s not a star in heaven

That we can’t reach

If we’re trying

Troy: Yeah we’re breaking free

Gabriella: Breaking free

Were runnin’

Troy: Ohhhh, climbin’

Both: To get to the place

To be all that we can be

Now’s the time

Troy: Now’s the time

Gabriella: So we’re breaking free

Troy: Ohhh, we’re breaking free

Gabriella: Ohhhh

Both: You know the world can see us

In a way that’s different than who we are

Basta, when I heard the Asian version, sana si Nikki Gil na lang yung kumanta. Angat talaga ang boses Pinoy... the song is connected on assertion kasi there may repeat on the lines kasi. Ayun. So parang sa 3, Nikki was the better one. I'm not being biased or anything regarding this point, It's just that she's got the "recall"... Gets... Parang alam mong siya yung kumanta, and that's what the song needs. Kasi you need to be heard so the world will know, you're breaking free.

Of course... I know that im...

I am The Fool The Fool can signal a new beginning or change of direction - one that will guide you onto a path of adventure, wonder and personal growth. He also reminds you to keep your faith and trust your natural responses. If you are facing a decision or moment of doubt, the Fool tells you to believe in yourself and follow your heart no matter how crazy or foolish your impulses may seem. The Fool also frequently messes up the numbers he inputs into forms. Maybe you should try it again... For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate. Month: Day: Year:

After all

After all that I've been through, I'm still alive and kicking. This proved that I haven't gave up. I tend to be very weak for the past few months because of what happened to me. My so-called "new life" has given me the chance to contemplate about life as a whole without overlooking or repudiating tiny, salient pieces ... after all, these tiny pieces constitute millions of things that we constantly hate and love.

Of course, to err is human. Albeit we are given this powerful organ in our head, we tend to overlook some things we have considered initially as irrelevant in our supposed to be "destiny" or the path we should take. However, we should, and forever be, thinking about how these things, these minute details of our intricate life can contribute to our existence. Because of our assumptions and frailties, we are submerged into a situation wherein we forget that we should strategize, not just plan for what we are doing next. Because thinking for the next step won't necessarily lead us to a safe or desired track/path. Sometimes, we tend to decide hastily without thinking. And that err is stupidity.

SO, what do I mean with all these prolix ideas? We should never haste about things or decisions in life. We should take life seriously, slowly, and enjoy every day that comes or will come... after all, we can never be like the cats who have these "nine lives" that we could exhaust. Though we could never have an eternal life (as I wish that won't happen), we should just keep on smiling and never lose our faith and connection in HIM... you know what I mean. He helps subtly and blatantly. And that's the funny thing. You are very much cornered by these two aforementioned dimensions. Maybe I lost track because for so many years I have logged off in our connection. I became stupid.

And as the line of an unfamiliar song goes, "and after all that we've been going through,... ( i completely forgot some of the words, hahaha)", I need to recuperate. And now, I'm continuing what I have started months back... A decision I could never undo, unless a genie lamp appears, hahaha... =p

UPDATES

* tapos na ang reporting sa NatSci. Medyo nagisa kasi late ako (insert leader here) tapos late dumating si Geo... Tapos ginisa kami ng mga kaklase ko kasi compelled silang magtanong to earn extra credits... Yung umiba, intellectual questions, tulad nung why do you think in the polar regions have cold temp... yung iba shitty, katulad nung what is atmosphere na parang Ms. Universe yung pagkakatanung, may samang irap pa.. Yung mga varsity, hindi nakikinig, nagtanung ng how do oceans were formed.... shet!!! itanung ko sa kanila yun, alam nila sagot? I answered through chem, through combinations of diff atoms.... chola!!! gaganti ako kapag magrereport na sila....

* Nagalit si Law prof... kasi ba naman, when we were discussing Art 1236 ( about extinguishment of oblig.) sinabi na sa context/provision na basta, nakalimutan ko na, basta dapat may something about that would benefit the debtor... shet, dapat full payment by the amt. of 10K yun, coz it will benefit the debtor as his obli will be extinguished, may sumagot ng partial.... oh no, nagalit at nagsermon si sir. hindi na siya naglesson. as a result, instant quiz about 1191-1231 next mtg. plus 1231-1251 reci next wednesday!!!! Shet!!! masisira na talaga body clock ko (insert gcness+scholarship habulan) hahaha....

* nagugutom na ako,

*fp launch last monday. sayang di nakapunta... pipilitin ko sa fp.

* 1.5 prelim grade ko sa history... haller, sayang, kung nag-aral ako, instead na 78 sa prelim exam, mga 90 plus yun... susme, gc!!!!!!!!

*babay.... :)

GO JPIA and UP sa boards review!!!!

Hindi ko talaga alam

Habang sinusulat ko ang entry na ito, nanginginig ang kamay ko, pati ang sikmura ko... well, not with the usual thing dahil gutom ako, but with new feeling... actually, di ko alam kung ano yung nararamdaman ko...

I have read a friend's blog and just to find out something tungkol sa buhay niya... mamalita ba. Well, basta. Siguro, ang nangyayari sa akin ay sort of na selos. Pero hindi naman kasi ako important dahil friend lang talaga... dahil sa JPIA. Pero siguro, ganito talaga ang nararamdaman ko dahil I want to know them all more, not just to be included in their barkada, but just to know who they really are.

Ngayon lang ako naging ganito. Since I entered college. I want to explore myself. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isusulat ko, grabe, nanginginig talaga ang kamay ko sa nararamdaman ko... Sabi ko nun, I won't be close to anyone else sa UP, except Doray. But I was wrong, very wrong. Tila pinarusahan ako ng Diyos. Nang makilala ko ang Hermo block, I can't afford not to go with them (Norlyn, May, Kezia, Lia, others). Iniisip ko kasi noon, dahil iba-iba kami ng kurso, after a year, hindi na kami magkikita-kita. And that happened. Since nagshift na ako sa BAA, hindi ko na nakita si Norlyn dahil AS-based pa din ang subjects niya, Mae ganun din. Kezia, Econ na, Lia, though BA, hindi masyado dahil may Ba friends din siya. Masaklap pa is, di na kami nagkikita ni Rhodora, except barkada bonding na thrice lang nagmaterialize. Si Cleiza, a former Hermo block (salvaged by change of mat), ang naging kausap at kaclose... Stat, Econ, JPIA.... hahaha...

Then JPIA arrived... ayun, ang daming nakilalang tao. Sa sobrang dami, I resisted at first to get close with them. Hanggang ngayon, I regret that move, kasi nahiya talaga ako nun. I swam into a pool na punong-puno ng diverse, yet cool people. And from the moment I went to AO/AP... My life has changed.

Then I left UP... also, that has turned my life against the path I should be heading. Wala e, nagkaganito pa... ayun, so the chance to get to know more ang mga taong ito ay nawala. Kulang ang second sem at summer... Kulang na kulang... Nanghihinayang lang ako at ganito ... hindi ako nanghinayang for the move ng pag-alis. Nanghinayang ako sa mga tao, especially the JPIAns.... sobrang mahal ko na sila...

wala na yung panginginig ng kamay. the last tym na nangyari ito ay nung umiyak ako nung planning sem.

wala lang...

Marami akong napagisip-isip... Paano kung hindi ako makuha sa scholarship... sabi kasi ng friend ni Apple, more likely than not, hindi nakukuha ang transferees sa Academic scholarship, pero I'm hoping talaga, wala kasi kaming pera this year. Buwiset. Isa pa yung tungkol sa kapatid ko, unfair for him dahil lang sa akin, e vocational course ang kukunin niya, kaya kailangan, umiyak ako sa admin para i-grant sa akin, if ever na makuha yung scholarship. At yung Metrobank din, para baon na lang ang gastos, o diba?

Isa pa, yung mama ko... wala na siyang tulog dahil kelangang magproduce ng pera... I worry about her health. Lord, please ingatan niyo po si Mama...

Ayun, at sikret na yung isa... basta....

Anyway, 73 ako sa 1st exam sa law, at nakakainis ang phrase na "at once", dahil nga sabi ko sa inyo, 55 minutes lang ang dapat na 1.5 hours, minadali ko ang mga subquestions... mula no.3-5. Ayun, yung 4/5 subquestions ng number 4 na worth 4 pts each, di ko nalagyan ng at once... pakshet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -10 percent ako, meaning, dapat 83=2.. ang 73 ata ay 5... shet... grabe ang system ng grade, dapat mga 2.5 yan. Pero happy ako dahil 2 weeks akong wala sa class at I'm one of those with high scores (may ibang 57)... o diba, hindi dahil lumiban ako, alam niyo na (late enrollment at diarrhea)... Babawi ako... keser until finals na ito...

Here comes the GC mode in my system na... shet!!!! iniwan na kita sa baul... hahaha =p